By Matt Weiner (@mattweiner20) – Spear Reporter | Photo via SJSU Athletics
Trigger Warning: This story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide please call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.
On a muggy San Jose morning, Myron “MJ” Amey sat on a gray cot in a quiet hallway. His broad shoulders rested comfortably while recounting his several suicide attempts since 2020 to a reporter.
If someone was within earshot, the San Jose State junior shooting guard didn’t pause or lower his voice. He just kept sharing. It’s emblematic of his progress and new mission: becoming a mental health advocate.
“If I can help one life that’s all that matters,” said Amey, whose profile has grown as he’s become SJSU’s leading scorer. “I’m not ashamed of my story.”
At least five college student-athletes died by suicide in the spring of 2022 alone, pointing to an alarming trend. Amey’s own mental struggles revolved around using sports as an identity and measure of self-worth.
A combo guard out of Fairfield, Calif., Amey averaged 27 points a night his senior year at Vacaville High School, but it wasn’t enough to earn a Division I scholarship. This was devastating for Amey whose life revolved around the chase for one.
Mark Jeffries, Amey’s trainer, recalled they’d work out and study film until 1 a.m. On one occasion Amey did “eight workouts in one day.” The frustration Amey felt was only compounded by the angst of disappointing his supporters.
Then in 2020, after the passing of his Uncle Bobby, Amey attempted to take his life. The pair had bonded through their love of sports. But a funeral couldn’t be held due to the COVID-19 prohibition barring gatherings. So Amey couldn’t find closure with someone he felt so close to.
His father Myron, meanwhile, was unaware of his son’s declining mental state. A result of Amey preferring to “tuck it in.”
“Everybody saw happiness inside of me. So I would just like to keep it that way,” Amey said.
Though basketball caused mental turmoil, it helped Amey move past the loss.
With no Division I offer, he traveled 2,600 miles to Pennsylvania to play for Scotland Prep. After leading the league with 20.3 points per game, Amey earned his first Division I offer from Maine University. But he felt a better opportunity awaited him. So he DoorDashed day and night to afford an entry fee to play in tournaments with his former AAU team in Arizona.
Amey was a standout in the tournaments and his highlight tape made its way to then SJSU assistant coach Ben Johnson. “He kind of played with a real chip on his shoulder like a disrespected underdog,” Johnson said.
The result? He earned a scholarship offer from SJSU where he later committed. “Basically got it done from that tournament in Arizona,” Johnson added.
After a slow start, Amey got a featured role and wound up as the team’s second-leading scorer (9.4 points) his freshman year. During the strong campaign, Amey played through a foot injury that required surgery following the 2021-22 season.
Months later came his self-described “low point.”
“When basketball left I didn’t know what to do,” Amey said. “I felt like everybody who was with me was just because of basketball. So take that away, I just felt like I was all by myself. I felt like I had nothing [and] I was here for nothing.”
This led to self-harm and attempts to overdose on painkillers prescribed for his surgery. SJSU point guard Alvaro Cardenas – Amey’s best friend and roommate – knew of Amey’s struggles, but didn’t know the “magnitude” of it.
Then came a Sunday in June when Amey sent a note to Cardenas and close friends letting them know of his intention to end his life.
Cardenas received the note and immediately called SJSU coaches and Amey’s parents, who were taken aback.
Until then, Amey’s parents were completely unaware of his struggles. “And I want to say shame on us, but man, the signs just were not there,” Amey’s father said.
They sped down to San Jose where Amey voiced a need to check into a mental hospital – the first time he ever asked for help.
“I would force myself to be happy because my energy was contagious. I knew if I was down then everybody else was going to be down. If I’m up, everybody else is gonna be up, you know?” Amey said.
A few days after being transferred to a behavioral health center, Amey journaled: “If you’re not gonna do it for yourself then do it for the people that love you.”
It put Amey in a better mindset and nurses told his parents they were okay to pick him up.
The next day, they were together in San Francisco for the Golden State Warriors championship parade. To his father, Amey appeared ecstatic to be reunited with his family and reminded of his love for basketball.
When Cardenas met up with Amey later that day he called it a “weird experience.”
“It kind of felt like he [Amey] was too happy,” Cardenas said. “I could just tell that wasn’t really him.”
Cardenas’ gut feeling was right.
Amey’s struggles persisted. He attempted to overdose multiple times upon returning to his San Jose apartment.
He slept with the lights on and recalled that he “was scared to be alone.”
Thanks to a therapist, Amey started to ascend out of this “hell.”
When asked if she saved his life, Amey’s typically upbeat cadence was slow and somber.
“She did. She did. She helped me. She helped me a lot,” Amey said while slowly nodding his head.
In the first couple of sessions, Amey said he sat there, “head down, closed off, hood on.” Sharing intimate details with a stranger just felt too awkward. Over time her genuine curiosity helped him open up.
“That was the first time I was comfortable talking to somebody,” he said. “She just helped me accept everything … [and] give myself more grace.”
By seeking to understand who he was and what made him happy, she encouraged him to use rap as a positive outlet for negative thoughts.
Amey’s rap career instilled a narrative that he had a value and purpose beyond basketball. Additionally, SJSU trainer Zack Sherwood suggested Amey join Dam Worth It: an organization for student-athletes to help break the stigma surrounding mental health.
But Amey persevering through this turbulent time wouldn’t be possible without his parents, Jeffries and SJSU teammates and coaches. To prevent Amey from feeling isolated, he traveled with SJSU on road trips, something injured players don’t normally do.
“I just wanted to make sure that MJ knew there were so many people that were supportive of him, behind him and believed in him,” SJSU head coach Tim Miles said.
Considering all he’d gone through, his season debut on Nov. 8 against Georgia Southern was a triumphant moment.
The joy only lasted so long.
When a twisted ankle ended his season in late December, he wondered to himself, “What did I do to deserve this?”
Then came a moment of clarity.
“I’m just like, ‘alright if I’m gonna fight through this, get back on my feet I’m gonna do it God’s way,’” Amey said, “I just kind of started approaching life differently.”
His mornings now begin by reading a bible verse and saying a prayer that’s more of a “thank you.”
“Like thank you for just waking me up this morning to give me the opportunity to do something I love,” said Amey, who believes God saved him from overdosing.
“Approaching life differently” included leaning into another coping mechanism his therapist suggested: ‘self-dates.’
Amey began venturing over to a nearby pond where he walked, journaled and read. The lighter activities included trips to the bowling alley, miniature golf courses and grabbing a bite to eat.
The self-dates lessened the self-hatred and helped him separate his sport from his identity and value.
The positive route he took in this injury rehab process brought him to the University of Southern California for the Black Student-Athlete Summit in May. “I started building connections with people. Started having the motivation for something else that was not basketball,” Amey said.
Which eventually inspired him to create his TikTok account “win_a_day_wit_MJ.” It’s where he first opened up about his suicide attempts and offers tips for mental wellness. “I hate that I went through what I went through, but I would hate even more if somebody that I love had to go through that as well,” Amey said.
By making life changes and becoming a mental health advocate, Amey’s put himself in the best position of his career. As SJSU (7-6) prepares to open conference play, Amey’s averaged a team-leading 14.3 points per game. And without his team-high 17 points last Wednesday, SJSU wouldn’t have upset crosstown rival Santa Clara.
His most inspiring performance, however, likely came on SJSU’s Dam Worth It Day. In the 87-82 victory over New Orleans on Dec. 9, Amey scored a season-high 29 points. Throughout the game, his mind drifted back to the summer of 2022. It was a meaningful reminder of how far he’s come. “I battled life, you know, and life doesn’t compare to what it is on the basketball court,” he said.
With SJSU forward Trey Anderson out with a knee injury, there’s added pressure for Amey to perform well. Should he succeed and help continue SJSU’s unprecedented success, Amey’s visibility would only increase. And with two years of eligibility left, pro basketball scouts could soon take notice.
“Being around him and knowing his game he hasn’t even scratched the surface yet,” Jeffries said.
But Amey and his support system know his mental health journey is a continuous one. “We talk every day. So I can tell when he’s having his good days and bad days. Or he’ll tell us now, ‘Hey, I’m not having such a good day,'” Amey’s dad recounted.
While sitting on that gray cot, Amey reflected on a self-date earlier this year to the beach and then Benihana for steak, fried rice, vegetables and noodles.
There was no basketball to speak of. Just him, his thoughts, a journal, a crisp ocean breeze and an appetite.
“I was so pumped. That was the first trip I was like, ‘man, I feel comfortable,’” he beamed.
