By Alyssa Avila — Member of the SJSU Softball team
It started when I was 6 and my brother played for the local boys baseball team.
He was 11 at the time and I made sure to go to every practice and game he had. I wasn’t your normal 6 year-old girl.
I would go to his practices and I would try doing everything they were doing. I would listen to the coach and try to be as involved as possible.
I think this is when my parents knew I just might have the talent to be on thefield.
When I was finally old enough, myparents signed me up for our local young girls softball league.
I started this when I was probably 8 and it wasn’t until I was 11 that I ran into an old teammate and her dad at the field where her dad gave mine information about the local travel ball team.
This was a more competitive league than what I was already doing and ever since that day, my outlook on softball would change forever.
I still remember going out to that first practice and seeing how good the other girls were, and going to our first tournament realizing how competitive it was.
Seeing that lit a fire and passion under me that I continue to have
to this day.
As I got older and went on to playin high school, I was faced with some adversity on and off the field.
As for the field part, I remember looking around and seeing all my teammates getting unofficial visits, calls from coaches, etc. but not me.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough but when it comes to recruiting, coaches look at size and I was never the biggest catcher. They always looked past me.
Little did they know that I would go on to be the smallest catcher in the Mountain West.
My parents and I felt it would be best if we took the next step and got me on
a team in Southern California where the recruiting was better.
I was 16 and traveling to SoCal every weekend for practices and games just to get better looks from schools.
This is when my recruiting process escalated and it was the summer before my junior year that San Jose State saw me play at a tournament and showed interest.
I gave coach Peter Turner a call and we had a nice chat that led to an unofficial visit.
When I came out to San Jose, I remember falling in love with the weather. I’m a valley girl and I grew up in the heat, so I was ready for that bay breeze.
As excited as I was when all of this was going on, my family and I were thrown a huge curve ball around the same time that would later go on to change my life forever.
My family was just like any other family. We had our fair share of disagreements,arguments and all those other things that come along with being a family.
Growing up, my brother and I wentthrough everything together.
There were times he would get upset because he HAD to come to my games out of town and couldn’t hang out with his friends — but once we got to that field, there wasn’t a voice that was louder than his in those stands.
He was my biggest fan and I was his. We had each others’ backs like no other and nothing that we went through would change that.
When I was about 16 or 17, my brother was 20 or 21 and my parents and I had noticed he was acting different in many ways … ways that we just didn’t understand.
Come to find out, he had been using drugs and had become addicted.
This created a huge divide in our family that my parents and I were trying so hard to fix it. While going through the many arguments and different rehabilitation centers that we had to take him to, he always had a weak spot for me.
Everyone knew that if someone was going to get through to him, even for a second, it was going to be me. The summer before I left for San Jose, I remember feeling very uneasy at the thought of leaving him and leaving my parents to handle all on their own.
But at this time, I knew it was time to focus on me and playing college ball was a dream of mine since I watched him play, so I knew this is what he wanted too.
So there I was … a freshman softball player at San Jose State. It was probably one of the toughest years I ever experienced.
I don’t think I adjusted to the college life well at all and it wasn’t because of softball. It was because although I was in San Jose, my mind and heart were still in Fresno.
Instead of using softball as my getaway, the way I normally would as a kid, I made it the problem, and was so close to completely walking away.
During winter break of my freshman year, I went home and had a few talks with my high school coach, along with my counselor from high school about my situation.
They both thought I wasn’t giving myself enough credit and I was just taking the easy way out. They pushed me and had all the right things to say to get me back out there, exactly where I belonged.
Once season came along, there was ahuge change in heart for me. It was like I fell in love with the sport all over again.
During this time, my parents hated seeing me struggle and my dad actually got a job offer in the Bay Area. My mom told him to take it.
She would take care of my brother back home and he would take care of me
out here.
With my freshman year being my worst year, it was also my brother’s. His addiction was getting worse and worse and it looked like there was just no hope anymore — but that never stopped my family.
It was mid-April of 2016 and I remember my brother was having a really bad day. My mom didn’t know what to do anymore and knew she needed to get him to rehab as soon as possible.
However, she also knew he wouldn’t listen to her. So, she told him that they would come visit and spend the day with me.
Ricky jumped all over this opportunity and that’s what they did. They jumped in the car and headed my way.
I remember being in my dorm room and getting the call that they were downstairs. I went and met them at the car and the first thing my brother did was get out and wrap his arms around me.
It was one of the longest hugs we have ever shared and I knew he was having a rough time — so I just held him.
After this, we all planned on going to get something to eat, but seeing my brother like that, I knew we needed to get him to rehab. I told him that’s what we were going to do and he didn’t take it well.
I knew it was going to be a little harder than we thought and I had practice that night so I gave coach a call and explained the situation. He said, “Go take care of it.”
Coach Turner was always sounderstanding, so that’s exactly what I did.
When I got home that summer, mybrother still wasn’t doing that great. He was in rehab about 45 minutes away from home and I made sure to go see him every day they allowed visitors.
He would tell me about his day, the new things he was learning and always made sure to talk about how much he loved cooking for the whole house.
August came around and it was time for me to head back to The Bay. I hated leaving him like that, but I knew I’d see him soon.
Things seemed to be getting better.
Sometime between August and November, he hit rock bottom. Driving under the influence, Ricky was involved in a car accident that nearly killed him.
I think after this happened, he finally realized it was time to get his act together.
Nov. 6, 2016 started of his year of sobriety.
This was the best year for us as a family.We had the best Thanksgiving, the best Christmas and Ricky was finally Ricky again.
Sophomore season came along and it was awesome. We ended up taking conference that year, along with going to regionals.
To top it off, I had my brother back in the stands, yelling at the umpires and cheering for my team.
That summer, I was back home and we had done a lot of things as a family again. It was so memorable.
Going into my junior year, I was ready for my college experience to turn around. The past two years had been fun, but I felt like there was something always holding me back and I was finally ready to let go of that and truly enjoy myself.
In October 2017, we had our ring ceremony, which was one of the coolest things I had ever experienced. During this time, we were coming up on the end of our fall season, so we still had a couple of practices and games in the month of November.
As for my brother, he had finally gotten back on his feet and was working in Hollister, which is about an hour away from San Jose. This actually worked out for my dad and I because we were able to go visit and have dinner with him on Nov. 2, his 25th birthday.
That weekend, my Dad and I ended up going home because we were hosting a small get-together to celebrate my brother’s birthday.
I had no idea that would be the last time I would see my brother.
Following that weekend, Ricky had hit his one year sobriety. Although it was great news, it followed with him losing his job.
This caused him to spiral out and become very depressed again.
I remember getting a call from my mom that week and she told me that he wasn’t doing well. I didn’t know what to say anymore.
I felt like we were running out of options and me being away it made it 10 times harder.
Nov. 9, 2017 started as a normal day.
The team had practice and weights that morning, and then I had class.
It was about 1:30 in the afternoon when I had got a call from coach letting me know that I needed to hang around because he wanted to have a meeting with me in 30 minutes.
I hung out at study hall while I waited and then got the call to walk over to the offices. When I walked over to the offices, I saw mydad’s car and then my dad.
I knew something wasn’t right.
My dad wrapped his arms around me and gave me the news that Ricky had overdosed.
Right away, my dad and I got on the road to head to the hospital in Fresno. It was the longest and hardest three-hour drive ever.
During this time, my coach and teammates were all very understanding of the situation and everyone in the SJSU community showed my family and I nothing but love.
I had actually taken two weeks off to spend time with my family and just try and get back on my feet as best as possible.
While I was home, the girls had given me a call and said that they wanted to make bracelets in remembrance of my brother because they knew just how much he loved the team.
They asked me what I wanted to put on it and it took me a couple days but I finally figured it out.
On the outside of the bracelet, we put “R.N.A – Psalm 22:24 #LOMB,” which were his initials, a verse that I felt fit his situation and an abbreviation that stood for “Look over me brother.”
On the inside of the bracelet, it said “To the world you were a person, but to a person you were the world.”
The special thing about these bracelets is that everyone on the team wears them, along with the coaching staff and even some parents in the stands.
For me, there really isn’t a more comforting feeling than looking out on the field and seeing everyone with the teal bracelet.
It’s a reminder that he is always there with me.
Going into the 2018 spring season, I knew it was going to be hard to be out there.
I knew that I was going to struggle to stay focused and I can truly say that if I didn’t have my teammates by my side, I don’t know how I would have done it.
That year, I probably had one of the worst double days of my career so
far. Preseason started in February and although it was tough not hearing Ricky’s voice in the stands, my teammates had my back.
A true blessing that was able to come from my brother’s passing was the friendships and relationships that I built with some of my teammates.
There were times where I was having a bad day and they were there, whether it was to hear me talk or to just take me out somewhere and get my mind off things.
In our last series of the season on our brand new home field, I was given the Lou Tully Perseverance Award. My coaches and teammates nominated me for this award and I was so humbled to have received it.
That award, along with a lot of the other things I had to overcome in those few months, would not have been possible without my coaches and my teammates.
Every day that I step out onto that field, I play for my brother and every single girl next to me. They picked me up when I was at my lowest point and I will pick them up whenever they need it as well.
Spartan softball is a family, it is MY family and for that, I will forever be grateful.
Follow Alyssa on Twitter @lyssssaavila