Matt Weiner (@mattweiner20) – Football Beat Reporter
After an hour-long meeting that could’ve been settled with two emails, you walk over to the water cooler for a little chit-chat with coworkers. Immediately, you find yourself waterboarded with drivel and personal tragedies. For some that’s fine, but not. You’re someone who just wants to talk about SJSU football.
I present to you: Water Cooler Talk. A column that supplies you with three (hopefully interesting) topics about SJSU’s previous game for the optimal shuck and jiving experience.
Fourth Quarter Mariano Rivera
San Jose State completely guillotined Wyoming in the fourth quarter on both ends of the ball.
The defense forced three consecutive three-and-outs and allowed only two yards of offense. If Mike Ditka was SJSU’s defensive coordinator, he’d smoke celebratory cigars until his face turned into a Rawlings catcher’s mitt.
Meanwhile, the offense held onto the ball 10:03 to Wyoming’s 4:57 thanks to a running attack that went for 84 yards and five first downs.
Hide under a desk because here comes a ‘take quake.’
This fourth quarter was the best 15 minutes of SJSU football the Spartans have played this year.
Don’t look at the 7-0 score you see. I’m well aware they’ve won quarters by more points. Let’s throw the idea of ‘score’ out the window.
When the Spartans went into the fourth quarter up 26-16, they were just a couple forehead smacking mistakes from giving the lead back.
I said it last week and I’ll say it again, no lead in college football is safe. Last week’s Water Cooler Talk took the example of Appalachian State blowing a 28-3 lead to James Madison. This week I’ll keep it on the right side of the flyover states:
New Mexico up 17-0, nothing could go wrong right?
Sike!
No disrespect to JMU or NMU. Just showing you why this beast of a closing performance should be taken to a taxidermist and hung over your fireplace.
Clean, mistake-free football should be celebrated. Plus, the o-line mowed through Wyoming, helping running back Kairee Robinson go for 49 of his 102 yards. Chevan Cordeiro punctuated the win with this keeper:
Toast up to drama-free football.
Cooks Got That Dawg And Mike Evans In Him
After his electric 177-yard, eight-catch day, Elijah Cooks was asked if he models his game after anyone.
His response of “Mike Evans” wasn’t surprising. Personally, I’d like to take it a step further.
Cooks is like if Evans spent the first 10 years of his life being raised by junkyard pit bulls. Who were keen on teaching him various ways to torture secondaries.
That terror comes from being multi-talented.
Deep-back shoulder throws are made for his aggressive nature and massive frame. And it’s that same aggressive nature that paved the way for him to bounce off of and drag defenders on his gains of 37 and 52 yards.
What struck me most on Saturday was his basketball background coming into effect. That’s nothing new. Ever since my preseason preview, I’ve been comparing him to Dennis Rodman.
But against Wyoming, it wasn’t Rodman’s fearlessness and ball-snatching abilities that drew comparisons but his footwork and crisp angles taken to get to the ball in the first place. Despite being 6’4”, Cooks weaved in and out of coverages to get open.
Maybe that’s what Drakeo The Ruler meant when he said, “All types of cuts, I think I’m Dennis Rodman.”
The only thing missing from his phenomenal day was a touchdown. The same thing happened when he went for 123 yards in the season-opening win against Portland State. Both games featured him coming within a fingernail of the endzone. Unlike the first time, however, the Spartans converted it into six points on a direct snap to Kairee Robinson.
Chevan “Kenny Rogers” Cordeiro
Good thing I didn’t get this in on time because if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to include this:
Bouquets upon bouquets of flowers will be thrown Cordeiro’s way. Deservedly so.
He was lights-out once again in Laramie. In his final game with Hawaii last year, he threw for 323 yards and three touchdowns to go along with 86 rushing yards and a score on the ground.
Clearly, something about the high altitude and abundance of college kids cosplaying “Yellowstone.”
There’s some history, but my biggest takeaway was him executing every opportunity teammates afforded him.
No play exemplifies this like his aforementioned touchdown run to seal the game.
With the run game fully established, Cordeiro was able to get Wyoming to bite on this read option. As the play unfolds, the Cowboys’ front is lulled into the backfield, going after the proverbial cheese. Cordeiro takes the ball from Shamarr Garrett, breaks a tackle then strolls into the end zone.
My second biggest takeaway: he doesn’t make plays that aren’t there.
Bear with me here. Chevan Cordeiro plays like Johnny Manziel if he was raised by the Amish.
The two can dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge in the pocket and make plays on their legs. However, Cordeiro doesn’t have that wild, rebellious, partying-in-Vegas side to him. As Kenny Rogers once said, ‘He knows when to hold ’em, when to fold ’em, when to walk away and when to run.’
It’s why the Spartans’ offense has yet to turn the ball over in 2022.
If you feel as if Matt Weiner has wasted your time, please send all complaints to his Twitter @Mattweiner20. We as a staff don’t condone his reckless bumbling about SJSU football and have empathy for anyone who took their time to read this.