Matt Weiner (@mattweiner20) – Football Beat Reporter
After an hour-long meeting that could’ve been settled with two emails, you walk over to the water cooler for a little chit-chat with coworkers. Immediately you find yourself waterboarded with drivel and personal tragedies. For some that’s fine, but not you. You’re someone who just wants to talk about SJSU football.
I present to you: Water Cooler Talk. A column that supplies you with three (hopefully interesting) topics about Spartan football for the optimal shuck and jiving experience by a beat reporter inside the arena.
So FRESH and so MEAN
Not to overly denigrate the previous jersey color schemes, but none of them hold a candle to the freshly debuted “408” threads.
I mean, come on…
They carry a slick, fast and villainous aura to them like the black spiderman suit from “Spider-Man 3.”
Don’t believe me?
Then how do you explain this mad dash from Justin Lockhart?
Or Elijah Cooks going up and snatching this pass in the corner of the end zone like he was Dennis Rodman grabbing an NBA Finals-clinching rebound.
And for the finale, a ferocious sack from Cade Hall.
The Exercise in Retinoscopy
I would like a retinoscopy, but instead of it being designed for vision, it’s used to see whether Lockhart, Cooks or Hall would look far more sluggish in the white top and yellow bottoms from last year.
The optometrist would flip back and forth between options and go, “Here’s option one: Justin Lockhart going for 82 yards in a white top and yellow bottom.”
To which I reply, “Literally looks like a taxi that’s being pushed on the side of a road because some numskull forgot to put gas in it.”
Then he does that nifty little flick thing.
“Option two: Justin Lockhart in all black with blue piping and gray numbers going for 82 yards.”
I’m so taken aback by the sheer difference in speed, that I fly out of that comfy well-padded chair before exclaiming how much faster and more athletic he looks in the black jersey.
The optometrist grabs a ballpoint pen from his white cloak, clicks it and says, “Well, looks like we found the answer to this one. Case closed.”
Pow! Right in the kisser
There was a palpable liveliness from the San Jose State offense that pierced deeply into the bones of CEFCU Stadium. For what felt like the first time in 2022, the Spartans delivered convictive, violent and passionate hits during their 34-6 win over Western Michigan.
None shook the core of any Bronco quite like this one from running back Kairee Robinson, who amassed two touchdowns and 81 of the team’s 128 rushing yards.
Time to do a little SJSU football X’s and O’s breakdown.
The offensive line set up a hole that the breaching whale from the Pacific Life commercials could fit through.
Which set up this matchup:
Mano a mano.
Robinson versus the linebacker filling this gap. What occurred next is only legal on a football field and into foreign waters.
Good Morning:
Good morning:
Good afternoon:
Good night:
Here it is again in one continuous motion:
It was the first real play of the season that makes you want to hop out of your seat and run through a brick wall like the Kool-Aid man then scream, “OH YEAH!”
Tight end Sam Olson showed a similar brand of fearless football on a 12-yard reception in the third quarter. The way the route was set up, he knew that he’d be getting his clock cleaned by someone in a blind spot.
First and foremost, he was able to snare the pass from quarterback Chevan Cordeiro, then tuck the ball in and absorb a punishing blow from a defender. The play wasn’t incredibly significant. If the ball was dropped, I’m 99% sure SJSU still would’ve won handily. Still, it’s a harbinger of the animalistic play that was seen on the field.
Ain’t no 28-3 nonsense over here
From the national anthem to the final whistle, the Spartans’ defense put on a Mountain West trophy-hoisting performance;
206 total yards of offense allowed, SJSU football at its finest holding WMU to 2.7 yards per carry on 50 attempts and producing 10 tackles for loss (3 sacks).
The three stops on fourth down were the life and soul of the stats you see here. Whether it was Kenyon Reed wrapping up Mareyohn Hrabowski on the SJSU 8-yard line.
The Kyle Harmon-led collective stop here:
Or Junior Fehoko submarining through the defensive line for the third and final stop of the night:
Each one paved the way for the defensive to toss a shutout, something that hasn’t been done since 2012.
Although impressive, I’m more elated by how the Broncos were never let back into the game.
The elation and passion myself and many others share toward college football are the wild and unimaginable comebacks that take place.
When Sean Tyler returned a kickoff 99 yards to make it 24-6, it could have placed defibrillators on the chest of WMU’s offense. It’s the kind of play that gets an offense to rise from their grave like the Undertaker and deliver a crushing tombstone piledriver.
As you already know, not a single tombstone piledriver was delivered. Not even a baby one.
The Broncos put up 14 total yards in their next six drives to end the game.
This is the kind of domination you’d see if Shaq had a thumb war with Betty White (rip).
If you feel as if Matt Weiner has wasted your time, please send all complaints to his Twitter @Mattweiner20. We as a staff don’t condone his reckless bumbling about SJSU football and have empathy for anyone who took their time to read this.